Litigation papers needed?

Litigation papers are on my desk at this very moment. In this time of sue happy lawyers and desperate plaintiffs I feel I need to file my own papers. The lady that sued McDonalds 'cause the coffee was too hot. The guy that got the big pay day from Dr. Pepper. Drug companies, Big Tobacco, and Video Game makers have all seen the inside of a court room. All of these examples are of companies that lost due to no warning labels. I was part of the crowd that said all of these payouts were just crazy. Of course coffee is hot, never open soda around the eye area, all drugs have side effects, and constant violence on video games causes erectile disfunction. Everyone knew this way before it ever went into a court room. My friends my song has changed.......

On July 27th, 12:12 AM est. time, clear skies, with 82% humidity I was doing an activity that has change my outlook on the litigation process. I was kicking ass on a video game I'm sure you all know- Guitar Hero III. I was kicking CWF's @ss, still sore from the AMP f'ing, and just enjoying the game in general. I was in the middle of a great windmill during Jukebox Hero. In my head the crowd was going nuts, stage diving, head bang'n, pantie throwing, the chick center stage third row that kept flashing her breasts (thank you), screaming, and yelling for yours truly! Then like a shot my brain said "Yo kid, we got a major pain problem some where!" Did someone throw metal lined panties. Did I get kicked by a stage diver? Did a jealous husband shoot me over a lil' misunderstanding? Nope! Harbor Breeze/Hampton Bay decided to reach out and say "Hello, Mr. Guitar Hero!"

Harbor Breeze/Hampton Bay is a brand of Lowes/Home Depot home centers. Harbor Breeze fans are made specifically for Lowes primarily by Litex and are sold only at Lowes. Hampton Bay is for Home Depot also made by Litex. Litex also makes fans for a variety of other retailers and brands, including the elite and elegant Ellington line of fans. It is likely you are familiar with Litex fans whether you realize it or not.


Now I do understand inanimate objects cannot get jealous. I do think this one had a "Chucky" soul in it! Where was my warning label? Did some jacknut executive at Litex drop the ball? Is this my chance at the big payday? My pinkie finger was nearly amputated! I think there is nerve damage. It really hurts when I pick my nose with it. I also think musicologically it is bad to start shaking, and suck your thumb while rubbing your ear when a long guitar solo comes on the radio! I can't sleep, eating has become an issue too. My speed dial #9 is my attorney...........I just pressed #9!!!!!! (I can't type anymore! Mommy the PAIN!!!)